Many who work with children with additional needs or adults with a learning disability experience helplessness in the face of challenging circumstances in the workplace. Admitting to ourselves that we don’t know what to do is uncomfortable and in such situations we jump into control mode, taking action to contain and manage the situation. Telling ourselves that action is better than doing nothing is a wonderful distraction from feeling inadequate. We don’t ask for help, not wanting to appear naive or incompetent around those in authority. This perceived weakness would blow our cover. Surely, we should know what to do. However, depending on the attitude of those in charge, a request for help could result in embarassment and a feeling of inadequacy.
But wait, isn’t helplessness what this child or adult in the room is experiencing? By focusing on our own feelings of discomfort, we are missing a golden opportunity to allow those in our care to initiate, rather than always being on the receiving end of others’ communication and actions. Impatience and hastiness are a sign of arrogance and it’s the pause that we need and it’s the pause that we are frightened of. In the words of Aristotle, ‘Everyone abhors a vacuum and human nature requires that all spaces need to be filled.’ Maybe that’s why silence , for many, is uncomfortable. Needing to be in control means that we are terrified of out of control chaos. When we over emphasise what we have to do; when we treat something with more importance than is required, we feel overwhelmed. It’s enough to just be there because it’s in the pause that magic happens?
Reflecting on those early days as a student speech and language therapist, I have uncomfortable memories of sitting on the floor in a special school classroom in Wimbledon, South West, London. A young child lay silently on a mat infront of me turning his head aimlessly from side to side, his little contorted , underdeveloped body lay motionless. I was in my first year of training and had been given a work experience placement in a centre for children with multiple and complex needs. My younger brother was born without thumb and fingers on his right hand and as his protective older sister, I felt that this qualified me for such a placement…. I was wrong. On my arrival at the centre, the white coated speech and language therapist in charge departed hurriedly to a meeting leaving instructions for me to ‘work with’ this little boy. To me, in my limited experience, ‘work with’ meant ‘demonstrate your competence’ and she would be returning shortly to assess my efforts. As I sat there on the floor, my throat tightened and my mind froze. I looked at the child at a complete loss to know what to do. I could do`nothing . In the pause, the child became aware of my presence, he made a sound in his throat . Without thinking, I repeated his sound back to him, a smile flittered across his face . Both heartened by this spontaneous interaction , we began a sonorous dialogue. Ice was melting.
In later years, as a speech and language generic specialist in the north of England, I was responsible for planning, coordinating and delivering an area wide service to adults with learning disabilities and children with additional needs in a variety of long-stay asylum hospitals , independent community settings and special schools. Disillusioned by orthodox methods of intervention and a prescriptive symptom focused approach, I rebelled against teaching grammatical concepts designed to improve an understanding of language and facilitate verbal expression and social interaction. Instead, I sought creative ways of addressing the emotional wellbeing of the individuals referred for therapy. Professional assessment while providing a diagnosis often makes a list of limiting assumptions which veil perception of the client’s potential and may actually interfere with their ability to progress. I eventually left my chosen profession to train in holistic therapies with Carol Lamb who was the founder of the Academy of Spiritual Sciences . This leap of faith deepened my understanding of healing and alternative ways of working .
Difficulty managing one’s emotions affects the quality of our day, limiting mental clarity, productivity, adaptability to life’s challenges and the ability to enjoy life. It’s important to allow time ( a precious commodity) to develop a relationship with the adult or child and to highlight and develop positive aspects of their personality through creative pursuits. Shifting focus reduces aggressive and often violent behaviour . In this process, harboured misunderstandings and shame from the past may surface for healing and release. In my experience, many clients had not had the experience of being with someone who was trying hard , though not always successfully, to understand their communication.
When, in uncertainty, we try to control things in order to feel safe; when we feel that we need to act, that is the time for patience, to pause to allow things to unfold naturally. For many of us, as with my disadvantaged clients, the path to adulthood is fraught with years of challenge and anxiety which result in poor self- image and low self-esteem. Having a secure attachment with a care giver offers security and facilitates positive personality development. Loving attachment strengthens resilience, defends against inappropriate peer attachment and improves the ability to manage overwhelming emotions. Uncertainty gives rise to a mix of intolerable feelings, which are required to stabilise to dissipate anxiety.
In many cases symptoms will unravel and resolve without any specific intervention because time has been taken to develop a relationship, highlight creative ability and develop positive aspects of the personality. Clients are often able to work through their needs and their reactions to other people through their relationships with the therapist.
Don’t be afraid to be open to different ways of working. Through disciplined and repeated practice of energy field alignment I was able to open my awareness and connect to my intuition, which was the prompting of my heart. This enabled me to work more creatively with my clients and to communicate at a soul level whatever the physical, emotional or mental impairment. Expectations of care staff are often understandably low with assumptions made as to perceived levels of understanding. However, when we approach our clients from a positive stance and assume that the deaf can hear, the blind can see and those deemed unable to respond are nevertheless aware of their surroundings and not least the conversation of others, miracles can and do happen.
Instead of focussing on symptom and impairment, focus on an enjoyable activity. Shared enjoyment enables the adult or child to relax and develop creatively. We must start from what the individual can do, rather than what they can’t do because this limits possibilities. As humans, we automatically respond to colour and light. Shining a torch on the difficulty merely exacerbates the problem. Music is a powerful agent for healing and can frequently turn the key in a locked door within the mind. There is a natural fear of what may be remembered and a reluctance to take the risk that the experience may bring even greater pain. In fact the opposite is true. We are afraid to cry yet it is the tears which can wash away the pain.
This blog is based on an extract from Jennifer’s download manual : A Radical Approach- Working with Adults with Learning Disabilities